


Hidden in the dark

by williamherondale



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, i apologise if this is awful i just enjoy writing about nicky, nicky has adhd sorry i don't make the rules except in this case i do bc its my fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:42:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/williamherondale/pseuds/williamherondale
Summary: Nicky had two secrets that he had never told anyone, apart from Erik.1. He has ADHD2. He has a restraining order against someone...and it is about to expire.--------Yes hello i know this is going to be a ridiculous story but its been stuck in my head for ages so enjoy! Its got nicky and erik! Its got nickys parents facing consequences for their shitty shitty behaviour! Its got some completely non canon backstory for nicky! Its got nicky bonding with the team and the twins!
Relationships: Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose
Comments: 39
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tw for mentions of past suicice attempts 
> 
> I know its relatively short but im in the process of writing more! 
> 
> As always if you have read this thank you! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

Nickys day just kept goimg from bad to _worse._ First, he forgot his homework. Then, he kept fucking up during their exy practice. And now, now, while they were discussing the plans for their training, it was interrupted by a phone call from none other than his _father._

Coach had turned to him, eyebrows raised and he listened to what his dad said. 

The rest of the foxes all had their eyes on him, expressions ranging from shock to curiosity as to what nicky would do. He could feel all their glares burning into him, but nicky kept his gaze focused on wymack. 

He could feel his heart beat rise, knowing they were about to judge his actions. As much as he didnt want to speak to gis dad, he knew whay this was goimg to be about, and _knew_ he couldnt avoid it, even though he had tried his damdest to. 

"You want to talk to Nicky?" Coach said deadpan. "About what?" 

There was a pause. "Oh he knows does he?" 

"What does he _want?_ " Aaron hissed in german. 

Nicky sighed, giving aaron tne barest of glances, and pushed himself up to stand in front of coach, even as the know was forming in his stomach, and held out his hand for the phone. 

"Are you sure?" Coach said, holding the phone away from his ear. "I am very happy to tell him to fuck off. 

Nicky let out a breath. "Yes im sure." 

Coach searched his face before shrugging before handing him the phone. 

" _Nicky,"_ aaron hissed. 

"Hi dad," nicky said, turning his gaze to the ceiling. 

" _Nicholas_ ," his dad said, clearing his throat. " _I wanted to discuss the restraining order."_

"Yeah i guessed," he said, biting his lip. 

_"It ends today. Did you get it renewed?"_

Nicky kept quiet. He...didnt get it renwed. He tried, but the courts ruled there was no grounds to. He didnt want to thimk about it, every time he did, he felt his heart rate pick up, and he felt like he couldnt catch his breath. Even now, his hands were becoming clammy, nicky wouldnt be surpised if the phone just dropped to the floor because of it. 

His dad sighed, somenow radiating the disappointment with that one sound. _"Ill take that as a no. Will you be careful? He is a dangerous man."_

"Yeah dad," nicky said, looking down at his feet, trying hard not to pace around. "Surprisngly, I know." 

_"You dont need to be snarky with me,"_ his dad warned. " _I know you didnt want to hear from us again, but this was important. We dont want a repeat of last time. Your mother....filled in some details for me."_

Nicky paused, taking a moment to gather hus tbougnts into a coherent sentence. He knew what his mum had said, and tried not to let the betrayal bubble in his stomach, but he still felt his fist clench at his side. "She wasnt supposed to tell you." 

_"She did. She wanted to....highlight the importance of this event._

Nicky snorted, "for me or for you?" 

_"Nicholas,"_ luther snapped. _"Do not be like that. Although i am curious as to why you didnt want me to know about your suicide attempt."_

_Well,_ nicky thought. _At least he only knows about one._ In reality, it was three. The first, when he was at camp. The second, just before they filed for a restraining order. And the third...during his first time in germany. 

"I dont want to talk about this anymore," nicky said through gritted teeth. "but this is a _great_ time to end this conversation. You know, I appreciate the concern, but i can take care of myself. bye now!" he hung up the phome and handed it back to coach with a sweet smile on his face. 

"Do i even want to know what that was about?" Coach asked. 

"Hmm," nicky thought for a second. "Nope. Definetly not." 

"Well, I sure do," allison said, leaning forward in her chair, and resting her chin on her hand. 

"Oh thats sweet," nicky said mocking politeness. "Shame it has nothing to do with you." 

Allison narrowed her eyes at him, nostrils flaring. 

He turned back to coach, "are we done here?" He said before any of the foxes had a chance to ask anything. Matt and dan both looked like they had something on the tip of the tongue, and he hadnt dared look towards the twins yet. 

When coach hadnt immediately replied, nicky said, "good! Well lovely practice everyone! Bye now!" He turned to walk towards the door, phone in hand dialing Erik as he stormed out the room, leaving the concerned, betrayed, and judgemental looks burning into his back behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW painc attack 
> 
> as always comments and kudos are always appreciated, I hope you enjoy!!

Nicky had barely made it out the stadium door before he lost control. His heart raced, head pounding, breathing fast, vision blurring. he needed to stop, stop, but he coul-couldnt catch his breath. He felt like he was suffocating, the air being sucked out of his lungs.

He was able to get himself to a corner, out of view of the stadium door, before he slid down the wall, resting his head against his knees. He tried to get his head to stop spinning, but it just kept going round and round and round. His insides felt as though they were bubbling and twisting.

_"Nicky?"_ He wasn't sure if that was imagined or real, his ears were still buzzing.

_"NICKY!"_ it came more frantically this time, he felt his phone vibrate in his hand as it did so. He managed to pull his phone to his ear.

"Nicky, can you hear me?" And oh, there was a break in all this, this feeling.

"Y-yes," he managed to say between breaths.

_"Okay i need you to focus on my voice,"_ Erik said keeping his voice steady. " _Can you do that?"_

Nicky nodded, even though Erik couldn't see him.

_"I'm going to assume you said yes,_ " Erik continued. " _Okay take a deep breath in....two....three...and out....two....three...."_

Nicky tried his best to focus on Erik's voice, used his tone, his accent, his words, to steady himself and bring himself back together. Erik kept counting out the breaths until Nicky could breathe easier on his own, his heart now at a walk rather than a run, his brain was coming back into focus.

Nicky lifted his head and rested it against the wall. "Thank you," he said softly, voice still shaky. He squeezed his hand into a fist then flexed out his hand. "I didn't know that was going to happen when I called you."

_"Its okay liébling,_ " Erik murmured. _"Did anything happen before, or was it just a random panic attack?"_

Nicky closed his eyes, throat bobbing as he thought about what to say.

The problem was this: when Nicky spoke to Erik or thought about him, it made Nicky feel like a wave had crashed into him and he didn't know when he was going to be able to break the surface and come up for air. Nicky had always had very intense emotions, and god, it made it hard to be sometimes. Right now, all he wanted was for Erik to be next to him, to feel as though he could breathe again.

But, Nicky too often felt like this was a burden for Erik to bare. Erik knew how strongly Nicky felt things, Nicky had always been open with him, about his diagnosis', his history, everything. With Erik, he didn't need to be anyone but himself, his loud, unfiltered, impulsive, self. Nicky just was and Erik loved him anyway. Despite this, Nicky still felt like he was.....too much.

But _oh,_ how he longed to be by his side again.

_"You don't have to tell me right now if you can't,"_ Erik said in a way that untangled all of Nicky's thoughts and made them simple. _"I love you, and I am with you, okay? I know it's hard to find words sometimes so if you need the time, take it. But just know I'll always be here for you._ " Erik paused for a moment. _"I know what today is, and I know it's been hard, but I am so proud of you for managing."_

"I...thank you," Nicky said quietly. "I love you too. I..," he huffed. Erik was right, words were bastards that kept escaping his grasp. "Dad called. We spoke, I panicked. I miss you."

_"I miss you too,_ " Erik said, sadness lacing each word.

"I wish I could see you," Nicky whispered. "But I don't want to pull you away from your life. It's not fair of me to expect you to deal with my problems."

_"liébling, I mean this in the nicest, most loving way possible,"_ Erik said. " _But stop being a fucking idiot. You are my **partner** , we are in this together, I am there for you and you are there for me. We are a team and always, always, will be."_

Nicky let out a huff, "you're right." he could feel the edge of his mouth tug upwards. He loved this man with his whole heart. "I'll be okay, it's just..."

_"I know,_ " Erik said softly. _"I am...having a meeting today. With my manager. About... taking some holiday."_

Nicky's heart skipped a beat.

_"I...need to see you as well,"_ Erik confessed. _"I have to go now, the meeting is about to start. I love you. I'll call you later, okay?"_

"I love you too," Nicky said, before putting his phone away and pushing himself up.

He took a moment to make sure he was steady before setting off. He needed to get rid of all this anxious energy, needed to get himself together. He shook his hands out, took a deep breath in and began to walk.

\----

Nicky had been walking for what felt like hours, he walked as day became evening, the light became dark, and he became tired.

When his brain became too chaotic and too loud, he needed to get rid of some of his energy. When his body was tired, his brain started to be too. Being part of an Exy team had been a great help in hiding his ADHD from the team.

It's not that he set out not to tell them......it just never came up.

When Andrew and Aaron came into his care he made the conscious decision not to tell them about his history, including his diagnosis of ADHD and PTSD. He had been diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and tried multiple forms of medication and treatment ultimately stopped taking it after his year in conversion camp. He didn't want the twins to think he wasn't capable of looking after them. People had always seen him as childish and immature, he didn't want to give them more reason to believe that. The PTSD, he had consciously kept from the team as well. Nicky didn't see the point in them knowing when he joined the team he had a handle on it.

With the foxes...oh he knew they had never taken him seriously. Nicky wasn't sure, but he got the impression the team thought that he wasn't a fox in his own right, rather he was just part of the package deal that came with Andrew. Nicky didn't really mind, there were things he didn't want to share with them, and no one really wanting to know him helped.

Nicky had arrived back at fox tower, and took a minute to compose himself before he entered the building. He took one deep breath, shook out his hands, and tried to get the knot in his stomach to unwind. He didn't want to face any questions about what his dad had said, or what he wanted. Hell, Nicky didn't even want to think about it, let alone talk about it.

He managed to get all the way to the door to his room before he felt like he was going to be sick. Thankfully, he wasn't.

Nicky plastered on a smile, trying to make it as convincing as possible, before opening the door. Inside, Aaron and Andrew were playing video games together, Neil and Kevin were sat at the table doing work. All of them looked up as he walked in, Nicky could feel his throat bob in response.

"Hello hello!" Nick said with as much cheer as he could. "Looks like we are all being productive." He sauntered over to the kitchen, just for something to do.

"You missed practice," Kevin said slamming his pen down and leaning back in his chair, disappointment evident in his voice. The room went eerily quiet when the game was paused. All that was filling the room had been taken away in one click, it was as if the air had left the room.

"Did I?" Nicky said, trying to brush it off. He decided to make a coffee, that at least would stop his hands from shaking.

"Don't play dumb Nicky," Kevin said sternly. "You know you need the practice. You can't afford to miss practice."

"Kevin my sweet," Nicky said as he poured coffee into his cup, "missing one practice isn't the end of the world. Ill be there tomorrow."

"Where did you go?" Aaron asked, pushing himself up off the bean bag. "You just fucked off somewhere, after speaking to your _dad_ ," he crossed his arms across his chest. "Are you going to say what that was all about, or are you going to ignore that too?"

Nicky turned to look at Aaron, out of the corner of his eye he could see Neil watching Andrew, and Andrew flicking between Aaron and Nicky, head cocked to the side. "Aaron, if you have something to say you might as well say it."

"You said you were done with them," Aaron spat. "What's changed now? Why is it okay now to speak to them, when before it wasn't?"

_Because now I might be in danger. Because it’s the only thing my parents tried to protect me from. Because they care more about the guilt they will feel if something happens to me rather than me._

"Nothing's changed," Nicky said, matching Aarons pose. "I am done with them."

"Then tell us what they said," Aaron demanded, his hands becoming more expressive with every sentence.

Nicky stayed silent.

"I don't understand why you can't tell us!" Aaron yelled, face going red, nostrils flaring. "You said you were done with them, you said you couldn't have anything to do with them after what happened, and now you are buddy buddy with them? What the _fuck_ Nicky? What, are we not good enough for you anymore? Want your family back?"

And that made Nicky snap. Aaron being pissed at him he could handle, it wasn't the first time and certainly wouldn't be the last. But accusing him of thinking they weren't good enough for him anymore? Oh, how that made his blood boil. He knew Aaron felt betrayed more than anything, but Nicky was now just as angry as Aaron was.

"Aaron, stop," Nicky said in his Parent Voice, full of sternness and _don't fucking question me._ "Do _not_ talk to me like that ever again. What my dad said to me, is none of your business and that is the end of it. Do not ask me again."

Aaron huffed once, before storming out of the room.

Nicky sighed and slid his gaze to Andrew. "If you have anything to say, _now's_ the time," spreading his arms in front of him.

Andrew stayed silent, Nicky raised his eyebrows.

"They won't ever give a shit about you," Andrew said, voice as flat as always, but Nicky could see him thinking something that he wasn't saying.

"Is that all?"

Andrew shrugged, "what you do with your life doesn't bother me." He got up and headed for the door, Nicky assumed he was going for a cigarette.

Nicky closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to steady himself against the flare of rage.

"Andrews right," Neil said leaning back in his chair. "Your parents don't care about you. They probably never will. So why give them the time of day?"

Nicky thought about ignoring him, but his mouth was quicker than his brain. "Because I need their help with something."

Neil's eyebrows raised, "Oh? What could they possibly help you with?"

"Nothing you need to know about," Nicky said, eyes narrowing. He could feel Neil trying to work it out.

Neil shrugged once, before getting up and heading out the door. Kevin considered Nicky for a moment before going back to work.

Nicky didn’t want the twins to think any less of him, but this was not something he wanted them to know about. He didn't want them to worry, and he didn't want them in danger. The twins had been through enough without Nicky adding his shit on top. He pushed himself away from the side, leaving his half-filled coffee cup on the side and headed to the bedroom. It had been a long day, his brain was tired, his body was tired and he didn't want to deal with another argument again tonight.

All he could do was hope that tomorrow would be better.

His phone pinged, but he drifted off to sleep before reading it. It would be the morning before he read it, before he would feel a flutter of something good.

_I'm coming to you in one week. Love u._

Maybe things wouldn't be as bad as he was expecting.


End file.
